6/30 hardest thing

Let me see the hardest thing I have ever experienced. 

*phew* ok here it goes. 

When I was 12/13 I was bullied to the point where I became anorexic, I didn't need to be hospital or anything but it caused enough stress on my body to give me ulcers in my bowel. Which is called Ulcerative Colitis. That caused me so much pain and bled alot. Most of my teenage years were spent in hospital or isolated at home. That was 10 years of my
life. Normal I know now is a lie that society tries to pedal to teenagers, but I never felt normal and on occassion I still feel that I'm on the outside, I'm looking in, I can see through you, see your true colours. Odd that the lyrics that I thought of then were from the song that used to chill me out all those years ago. (outside staind)

When I turned 21 I decided to have a colectomy which is where they take out the infected part of your bowel. I was a whining little cow I had no motivation to push myself to be able to recover quicker and become stronger. I wallowed in self pity, I still get like that now but I have to stay strong 'unt try to hold on' (lol) I'm trying to prevent myself from becoming that horrible person again, I want to be the happy, bubbly person who my husband fell in love with.

It may take awhile but I'm now determined more than ever for it to work.