bad timings!

Well this isnt good! For the last few months Ive been slowly relapsing into my old ways... No I now its not good. Im still eating before anyone has a panic attack, but I am controlling what I eat then bingeing a few days later. I feel depressed and anxious and then I get snappy with those I love. I have even resorted to self harm again which clearly isnt a clever move. I tend ti do it on my feet so in the new year I plan on getting my feet tattooed to prevent me doing it there, and as there isnt anywhere else I can do it without people seeing it may make me realise I am better than that. Back to the eating...I tebd to only eat what I fancy then gorge on it then not eat much the next day. I always have one main meal and I di eat at work. But as I need to be alert and observant work tends to be the place I eat most at. I adore cooking and love cooking for people, I will only cooking for myself if Im cooking for soneone else. I am dreading the christmas dinners coming up, mine isnt too bad I can portion control but at my parents it tends to be put on my plate, hopefully I can put what I want on my plate and I dont have to eat as much. I am also going to cook at least one meal from the 'hairy dieters' cookbook a week and work it up to every meal. Im also going to start going back to the gym. Everyone says I dont need to lose weight just tone up so thats ny plan. I have heard exercising can help lift your mood so surely its worth a try right?